Hi Everybody!
(Hi Dr. Becca!)
Well, I am not really a doctor, and I don't play one anywhere, but what the hell, right?
(Audience laughter. Laugh drones!)
I am here to tell you about Meningitis and why it is so terribly fun for the whole family!
(YAY!)
What is meningitis?
(*deer in the headlights stares*)
That's what I said when I was told that I had vi-ral men-in-geye-tis. What that means is that I got a virus, and it somehow got into the meninges that surround my spine and brain.
(*some random fuck in the audience* What's a meninge?)
Good question, random fuck. A meninge is the general term for some of that cushiony material that helps cushion your spine and brain. I had no clue about it either until that little virus got in there and started infecting it and making is swell.
(*Hiss of sympathy (hey, i can dream, right?)*)
Well, the doctors can do dick all about viral meningitis except pat you on the head (ow!), give you pain meds, and tell you to lay down before you fall down. Of course, those same doctors have to make sure it isn't another type of meningitis.
(*random fuck* There's other types?)
I was getting to that, Random Fuck. Yes. There is bacterial and fungal and non-specific drug related... blah blah blah. Those are the ones I didn't have. They can tell if you have them by examining your spinal fluid. Do you know how they do that?
(No!)
They have you lean over if you're fat, like me, or lay on your side if you are more *fun* sized in comparison, and then they numb you up with something that burns like a sonofabitch, and stick you with a gigantic fucking needle in the spine. Let me tell you! There is nothing weirder than feeling spinal fluid drip down your ass crack.
(Ew!)
Yeah. Well, at the time, it didn't hurt so much. And then, later, I tried to stand up... but that's an entirely different rant.
(Back to meningitis! *random fuck*)
Thank you for keeping me on target, Random Fuck! You're earning your non-existent paycheck.
(Thanks for nothing!)
Fuck off.
*Ahem* Where was I?
(Meningitis!)
That's right. Well, I had these swollen meninges and they gave me pain pills. I went home, doped up and promptly lost three days. I don't really know where they went, but I swear to you, they happened. There are text messages and stuff to prove it plus a doctors appointment and more pain pills.
(And random Facebook and Fetlife posts!)
Indeed.
Anyway, when I started coming out of the drug-induced fog, I was getting stir crazy, but the headache was still there. My sweeties wouldn't really let me leave the house. Instead, I languished in bed with a cat for a really bossy nursemaid, and worked on riding this crap out, since, apparently, that's all that can really be done for viral meningitis.
(That's boring)
Well, that has been the last week plus of my life. I just wanted to fill you all in. All that's left of the swollen meninges seems to be the meninges in my spine, which have cricked my shoulder and neck muscles on my left side all to hell. It has made me moderately cranky, but compared to all the pain I *was* in... it isn't too bad.
What's still bothering me is the damned spinal tap/lumbar puncture, whatever they want to fucking call it. The spoof band was a lot more entertaining.
(We want Spinal Tap! We want Spinal Tap! We want Spinal Tap!)
Believe me, no. No you don't. That's it for today's show/update. I might do these a little more often. Ciao fuckers!
(Hi Dr. Becca!)
Well, I am not really a doctor, and I don't play one anywhere, but what the hell, right?
(Audience laughter. Laugh drones!)
I am here to tell you about Meningitis and why it is so terribly fun for the whole family!
(YAY!)
What is meningitis?
(*deer in the headlights stares*)
That's what I said when I was told that I had vi-ral men-in-geye-tis. What that means is that I got a virus, and it somehow got into the meninges that surround my spine and brain.
(*some random fuck in the audience* What's a meninge?)
Good question, random fuck. A meninge is the general term for some of that cushiony material that helps cushion your spine and brain. I had no clue about it either until that little virus got in there and started infecting it and making is swell.
(*Hiss of sympathy (hey, i can dream, right?)*)
Well, the doctors can do dick all about viral meningitis except pat you on the head (ow!), give you pain meds, and tell you to lay down before you fall down. Of course, those same doctors have to make sure it isn't another type of meningitis.
(*random fuck* There's other types?)
I was getting to that, Random Fuck. Yes. There is bacterial and fungal and non-specific drug related... blah blah blah. Those are the ones I didn't have. They can tell if you have them by examining your spinal fluid. Do you know how they do that?
(No!)
They have you lean over if you're fat, like me, or lay on your side if you are more *fun* sized in comparison, and then they numb you up with something that burns like a sonofabitch, and stick you with a gigantic fucking needle in the spine. Let me tell you! There is nothing weirder than feeling spinal fluid drip down your ass crack.
(Ew!)
Yeah. Well, at the time, it didn't hurt so much. And then, later, I tried to stand up... but that's an entirely different rant.
(Back to meningitis! *random fuck*)
Thank you for keeping me on target, Random Fuck! You're earning your non-existent paycheck.
(Thanks for nothing!)
Fuck off.
*Ahem* Where was I?
(Meningitis!)
That's right. Well, I had these swollen meninges and they gave me pain pills. I went home, doped up and promptly lost three days. I don't really know where they went, but I swear to you, they happened. There are text messages and stuff to prove it plus a doctors appointment and more pain pills.
(And random Facebook and Fetlife posts!)
Indeed.
Anyway, when I started coming out of the drug-induced fog, I was getting stir crazy, but the headache was still there. My sweeties wouldn't really let me leave the house. Instead, I languished in bed with a cat for a really bossy nursemaid, and worked on riding this crap out, since, apparently, that's all that can really be done for viral meningitis.
(That's boring)
Well, that has been the last week plus of my life. I just wanted to fill you all in. All that's left of the swollen meninges seems to be the meninges in my spine, which have cricked my shoulder and neck muscles on my left side all to hell. It has made me moderately cranky, but compared to all the pain I *was* in... it isn't too bad.
What's still bothering me is the damned spinal tap/lumbar puncture, whatever they want to fucking call it. The spoof band was a lot more entertaining.
(We want Spinal Tap! We want Spinal Tap! We want Spinal Tap!)
Believe me, no. No you don't. That's it for today's show/update. I might do these a little more often. Ciao fuckers!
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