Two Little Letters

Two Little Letters

My life has turned upside down

All with the introduction of

Two seemingly small letters into my life

Ones that I had known about

Peripherally, perhaps, in a disjointed manner

I knew a friends’ parent or

Someone who’s brother’s wife’s cousin

Was afflicted with this two lettered

Horrible, debilitating, disease…

Then, I go for a test and got a call the next day

Which we all know is never a good sign

Getting the news of lesions, plaques, swollen spots

On my brain

I have M.S.

M.S.

M.S.

M.S.

Multiple Sclerosis for those who are not with it and hip on the slang

Two weeks ago, my life changed forever

With the addition of these two little letters

Into the stream of my consciousness

It’s a lot to wrap my head around, truthfully

I want to hide and bury my head in the sand

I’ve thought about tasting a barrel or a blade

Even though things aren’t so bad yet,

But they will probably get that way

The uncertainty of the whole thing

Is what really gets to me, I think

There is no way to predict how this disease

Will affect me, or anyone else for that matter

Which is one of the most frightening sensations

That I have ever had the displeasure to know

Two weeks and so much has changed

The flux I have been in has been profound

I am fairly confident that I have made the decision to be

A person who happens to have M.S.

Rather than the disease of M.S. that happens to

Have laid claim to this person

Form: fearful musing

10-6-11

Things haven't changed much from when I originally wrote this.  I still maintain the hope that I will be a person who happens to have M.S. rather than the disease M.S. that has claimed a person. It's a process, though. 

It's all a bloody fucking process.