I woke up with a headache this morning, which kind of makes it hard to see the bright side of things. It's more than likely because I just flat out over-did it the past couple of days. I feel like my body is beating the ever loving shit out of me.
Also, I found out that the ball I *thought* I had gotten rolling last week with the Shared Solutions people to get my Copaxone started, didn't actually get processed until.... Today!
Wait, WTF? I was supposed to hear from the pharmacy by today, and instead, I call them to find out why I haven't, and it's because they never submitted it to my insurance, the information of which they have had for the last week. Well fuck. So, hopefully I will hear something from the pharmacy by tomorrow or Monday.
/Sigh
However, I will still look around and try to see some Bright Sides...
Bright side: South Park makes me laugh.
Bright side: At least the medication is getting processed.
Bright side: I have insurance. If I didn't, well, I am not entirely sure what would be happening, and it's not something I especially want to think about. There are programs, though, for me to get my medication... maybe. That's just one big festering pile of visceral fear that I don't think I want to poke with a stick right now.
Bright side: I have stuffed penguins.
Bright side: I have ice lollies.
Bright side: I have wire to play with.
Bright side: I have a book on how to draw fashion figures and clothing design, plus a drawing tablet. This is a recipe for me messing with stuff later. :)
Hey! A bright side that actually perked me up as I wrote it down!
Bright side: While I may have issues today, if I don't push myself too hard today, and allow myself the chance to recover, I can do everything that I want to do tomorrow, maybe...
Truth to tell, I am getting sick of all this uncertainty. I also know that it is something that I am going to have to get used to in my everyday life. I don't have to like it, but I do have to accept it if I am going to have any sort of life. Accepting it is hard for me, though. I had grown used to being able to accomplish pretty damned much anything that I wanted to.
I know it will take some time for me to recover from the last two exacerbations that I have gone through. I have to work to get my stamina back. I have already noted what has not fully bounced back from even the recovery from the *first* round of the solumedrol after this second round. Some may come back with time and/or therapy, but I don't know.
It's hard not to spiral into a depression, and I have my days. It almost seems like this is one of them, but the truth is, I am more annoyed than depressed today. I just feel weak today. It pisses me off, but I just don't want to expend the energy on being depressed about it. Instead, I slept through the worst of the headache, glad I didn't have to Imitrex it (Hey, look! A bright side!). I am concentrating on chilling out and not beating myself up over feeling so weak.
After all, as my husband pointed out to me last night as we were folding laundry (and he was telling me to stop and rest, dammit!) I have this lovely disease to beat me up for me! (okay, a dark bright side?)
There is still so much to do to get ready for my mom coming out to visit, if only to make sure that she has a place to sleep. However, I still want my house to look nice, and it's not just because she is coming over, but I won't kill myself to do it. She said she would help me when she came out here to visit (we talked this morning). I still think I can tackle... okay, slowly make some sort of progress on the living room tomorrow or maybe even this evening. I have this patch of floor I want to focus on, and if I can get it clear, I will feel accomplished, but I am not going to worry too much about it tonight.
It's just not worth stressing the fuck out over.
Then why am I cycling on it?
Oh yeah, I am kind of crazy.
I get to somehow learn how to think in new ways, because the old ways stress me out. Part of me writing these thought processes out are to help me pick it apart. Part of me posting it is because I feel like it. Those who care to read it, can. Those who don't, well, don't. However, those who are going through the same types of things, and who do read it, if you have any pointers, I would be glad of them.
/Ramble
Boom
Also, I found out that the ball I *thought* I had gotten rolling last week with the Shared Solutions people to get my Copaxone started, didn't actually get processed until.... Today!
Wait, WTF? I was supposed to hear from the pharmacy by today, and instead, I call them to find out why I haven't, and it's because they never submitted it to my insurance, the information of which they have had for the last week. Well fuck. So, hopefully I will hear something from the pharmacy by tomorrow or Monday.
/Sigh
However, I will still look around and try to see some Bright Sides...
Bright side: South Park makes me laugh.
Bright side: At least the medication is getting processed.
Bright side: I have insurance. If I didn't, well, I am not entirely sure what would be happening, and it's not something I especially want to think about. There are programs, though, for me to get my medication... maybe. That's just one big festering pile of visceral fear that I don't think I want to poke with a stick right now.
Bright side: I have stuffed penguins.
Bright side: I have ice lollies.
Bright side: I have wire to play with.
Bright side: I have a book on how to draw fashion figures and clothing design, plus a drawing tablet. This is a recipe for me messing with stuff later. :)
Hey! A bright side that actually perked me up as I wrote it down!
Bright side: While I may have issues today, if I don't push myself too hard today, and allow myself the chance to recover, I can do everything that I want to do tomorrow, maybe...
Truth to tell, I am getting sick of all this uncertainty. I also know that it is something that I am going to have to get used to in my everyday life. I don't have to like it, but I do have to accept it if I am going to have any sort of life. Accepting it is hard for me, though. I had grown used to being able to accomplish pretty damned much anything that I wanted to.
I know it will take some time for me to recover from the last two exacerbations that I have gone through. I have to work to get my stamina back. I have already noted what has not fully bounced back from even the recovery from the *first* round of the solumedrol after this second round. Some may come back with time and/or therapy, but I don't know.
It's hard not to spiral into a depression, and I have my days. It almost seems like this is one of them, but the truth is, I am more annoyed than depressed today. I just feel weak today. It pisses me off, but I just don't want to expend the energy on being depressed about it. Instead, I slept through the worst of the headache, glad I didn't have to Imitrex it (Hey, look! A bright side!). I am concentrating on chilling out and not beating myself up over feeling so weak.
After all, as my husband pointed out to me last night as we were folding laundry (and he was telling me to stop and rest, dammit!) I have this lovely disease to beat me up for me! (okay, a dark bright side?)
There is still so much to do to get ready for my mom coming out to visit, if only to make sure that she has a place to sleep. However, I still want my house to look nice, and it's not just because she is coming over, but I won't kill myself to do it. She said she would help me when she came out here to visit (we talked this morning). I still think I can tackle... okay, slowly make some sort of progress on the living room tomorrow or maybe even this evening. I have this patch of floor I want to focus on, and if I can get it clear, I will feel accomplished, but I am not going to worry too much about it tonight.
It's just not worth stressing the fuck out over.
Then why am I cycling on it?
Oh yeah, I am kind of crazy.
I get to somehow learn how to think in new ways, because the old ways stress me out. Part of me writing these thought processes out are to help me pick it apart. Part of me posting it is because I feel like it. Those who care to read it, can. Those who don't, well, don't. However, those who are going through the same types of things, and who do read it, if you have any pointers, I would be glad of them.
/Ramble
Boom
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