Future Thoughts

Future Thoughts

Written on 9-25-11

Some recent events in my life and the world in general have made me re-evaluate where I am and where I am going in life in general. I am still waiting for some specific information before, with the input and support of my family (weird as it is), I take some steps in the direction of personal growth and development. My health has taken a change for the worse and different. I don’t know if it will recover. One of the things being affected is my vision, and specifically my ability to maintain focus on fine details reliably for a long period of time.
This doesn’t affect my ability to type or write very much because of the lovely invention of spell check and, quite frankly, I type quite accurately most of the time. Most of the time, also, I am pretty good about editing my work before showing people. There have been times when I forget, but I digress. If this doesn’t heal up and becomes a permanent change, this will affect my ability to continue in my current line of work.
My boss is being very understanding and patient with me about this and understands that I am doing my best to ensure that I don’t put any of my work for him at risk in any way. I am pretty sure he appreciates that. I might be able to continue doing small things for him after this, if this change in my vision is permanent, but for all intents and purposes, my usefulness as a minion might be at an end if I don’t heal from this crap. This is a reality I have to face and plan for, and with the mounting medical bills (despite the health insurance) I am unsure of how  to do so.
The marketable skills that I have are minimal. I am unsure if I would be able to qualify for disability. If I can’t pay attention to fine details for long periods and continue having problems with longhand arithmetic, I will have severe trouble getting my mathematics back, which would make my aspirations of an engineering degree moot. I suppose I could pursue the writing more in depth. I seem to have had the block removed in this last week or two, though I am unsure of how long it will last.
Then again, with writing, if I just keep it as a habit, develop the writing habit like I developed my smoking habit, then maybe I will be able to actually do it. It will take more discipline than I usually am able to muster, though.
However, I want to maintain what passes for my sanity. It’s important to me. Psychotic breaks can lead to jail time which would make it so that I won’t have ready access to my sweethearts. Thus, maintaining sanity = sweethearts!
See, I can maths!