Scared on the way to the MRI

Scared on the Way to the MRI

9-21-11

So, I am kind of scared out of my mind. I am on my way to the MRI appointment that finally got scheduled for me. Why am I scared, though? Answers are finally going to be coming, right? That’s the idea, anyway.
What if the answers aren’t there, though? What if they just revert back to the good old standby of you’re fat and crazy, bitch? I am unsure of how I would take that.
The last four days have found me taken down by a migraine that is comparable to the one I went to the ER for (you recall the one that got misdiagnosed as meningitis, right?) back in July. That one lasted for something on the order of 15 days. I really can’t afford to be down for that long. Sure, I am on some migraine medication, but I just found out that my insurance won’t give me more than nine pills of Imitrex a month.
If I had known that, I would have, I don’t know, maybe not taken them as directed. The directions I was given by my neurologist, by the way, were to take one pill at the start of a migraine and lay down. I have been doing that, only to find out after going through eight of my nine alotted pills that my health insurance will only cover nine pills a month. I cannot get more Imitrex until October eighth.
Fuck you very much.
So, I am scared. What will show up? What will not show up?Will the doctors actually get any answers? Can they figure out why I am suffering from these migraines?
Also: What if it is something big? A friend recently had a tumor. That prospect honestly scares the ever living fuck out of me. I don’t know what to do or how to handle it.
I guess I can only tell myself what I told her: I can’t guarantee that I will be okay. I can’t guarantee that they will figure everything out. I can only take one day at a time and enjoy the love that my sweeties have for me and that I have for them. I can remember that things can, in fact, be worse, and that while life may not be excellent, it can certainly suck much worse.