Mortal Musing

Mortal Musing

Sometimes, I look at the

Thin, nearly translucent

Skin covering the main cables

Running through my wrist

Sometimes, I wonder

What it would feel like

To part that membrane with

A sharp knife and

Feel the blood start to flow

Hot, liquid life

Draining…

Then, I remember that

Life is more interesting

Life is filled with many thrills

Life is fluid and full of change

Life offers many more experiences

Death offers only one

The final experience

And who really knows

If it will even be remembered

Or if we will just fade

Like background noise

Energy folded back

Into the fabric of the Universe

                …And does it truly matter in the now?

4/25/11

Form: free

I was never exactly suicidal. I was, however fascinated by pain and cutting. The pain reminded me what was real and what was mental/emotional pain. It's not exactly a *healthy* habit, but it was one that I had for a while and have since put back down, like so many others. 

Pain is still something that I love, though, and I do indulge in it on occasion (not as much as I used to). Sometimes, though, in an oddly detached moment, I will see a vein and remember the blood and crave that special type of pain again.

This craving is one that has actually gotten easier to deny over time, unlike the damned cigarettes.