Pain Fear Gone

Pain Fear Gone

Fear

Grips me

Strips away

My humanity

Animal

Is left

Pain

Tearing

Through every

Fiber of my

Everything

Leaving

Space

Nothing

Left to see

Feelings are gone

I’ve been stripped

Away by

Pain, fear

Gone

9-23-11
form: I am unsure


I am in this pain that occasionally sees fit to leave me, but most of the time likes to stay close. It's pounding in my head right now, eroding what passes for my sanity, chip by chip. The things that have managed to make it go away for a day, or at least step it down considerably, are severely limited by the health insurance company, and that particular drug isn't even a narcotic. No, narcotics, I can get quite easily, which is kind of sad. I don't want narcotics, though. I don't particularly like how they make me feel, and they don't make the pain stop. They make me not care about the pain, or anything else.

I woke up this morning on the bitter side of the bed. I feel both raw and numb, unsure of if I will cry, rage, or just kind of exist. So far, I have been managing to exist, though the rage is boiling beneath the surface. Things are not okay right now. I hope that they will be again, sometime soon, though.